Apparently, it used a pretty impressive plan to escape from its holding cell. I don't like the sound of this at all. Could this mean the apes are already evolving? I don't know.
All of the countries in the world (at least the smart ones) need to start hiring these pirates. Why? The answer is simple. The future apes hate water.
Eventually, if the apes become too powerful, we will have to live on the ocean somehow. The Somali pirates seem to have this down. They love living a life aboard the high seas. With a truce, we could live with them.
Also, looking down the road, if the apes do eventually create a navy themselves, we could rest assured the pirates would be ready for battle. With a couple of junk boats, the pirates take on anything. With a battleship (that we gave the pirates because of the truce), the apes would never stand a chance against humans.
In addition to having the edge in potential aquatic battles, the pirates also benefit us in another way. Being that the Somali pirates probably don't speak English well, there is no way they can tell the apes what we are doing.
That's right. Apes speak English. Don't believe me? Watch this actual footage from the future:
Ape Threat Level: Yellow. I've got some alarming news that the apes could use against us. Read on.
I was doing some ape threat research the other day when I stumbled upon this little story. That's right, great ape diseases are a serious threat to humans. Why? Because apes are similar to us (unfortunately).
It all starts making sense now. There are ape suicide virus bombers attacking us. These crazed animals are cultivating diseases in themselves to transfer to humans as just one way to take us down.
Look at HIV. It is believed to originate in primates. It kills humans. The apes have used it against us. In fact, it looks like the Star Tribune is reporting that apes may be re-using this tactic.
Why stop at HIV though if you are the apes. I bet they have been developing a whole bunch of biological weapon diseases to destroy us. There's no doubt in my mind that one of the most prevalent diseases out there, TLS (tired leg syndrome), can also be traced back to the apes...
Ape Threat Level: Red. I still haven't gotten over that dream yet. We need to stay on full alert
Today's been a lazy Sunday for me. Included in this day of lame has been watching hour after hour of "To Catch a Predator." In case you are one of probably three people in America who doesn't know what "To Catch a Predator" is, here's the quick rundown.
On the show, they trap these suckers who are trying to hook-up with minors. The host, Chris Hansen, works with a group called Perverted Justice to find sexual predators in chat rooms. Perverted Justice then poses as a teenage girl or boy and has several explicit conversations with the predators in a chat room. They then invite these guys to a house where the guys think they are going to get lucky with the minor. Once the predator gets in the house, Chris Hansen pops out and basically calls out these dudes for being sleezeballs.
It's fairly entertaining even though I think it is entrapment and a slightly questionable way to arrest people. Anyway, it gave me a great idea on how to catch the apes that may be planning on taking over the world.
Check this....
That's right, I created a MySpace page so I can start friending any apes out there in the cyber-world who might want to start attacking us. If you want to see the actual page, click here.
Anyway, I am going to make a bunch of friends who are apes and then invite them to a meeting. At that point, I will come out and lecture them on what they are doing, just like Chris Hansen does. I'll provide transcripts of what was discussed in messages and tell them it is wrong.
After I'm done with the lecture, I will tell the apes that they are free to go. Little do they know though that a bunch of zoo keepers will be waiting outside to capture them, just like in "To Catch a Predator."
As of late, it has been seeming that the ape threat has been somewhat quiet. I've blogged very little since I have not had much to comment on ape attacks. Then, Tuesday night happened.
As I was sleeping Tuesday, I had a dream. No. A nightmare. Let me describe.
In my dream, I was on an island. This is no surprise considering that a vast amount of my free time is wrapped up in watching, reading about and analyzing the television show Lost. Anyway, on the island, I was with a large group of people. I want to say I knew many of the people, but I don't quite exactly remember who.
For some reason, the group I was with decided that we needed to walk across the island and get to the beach. I was all on board for this trip because it sounded like a great idea. Little did I really know...
We had walked about halfway to the beach when we came upon a frightening scene. In a clearing, there was a large population of speaking apes. For some reason, the group of people thought it was a great idea to walk out to the group of apes to see what was up.
The leader ape yelled at my group of people saying, "What are you people doing here! You are not allowed to go this way."
A person from my group said back, "We're trying to get to the beach. We just want to keep moving."
The ape was not digging on this idea. He said, "Go back or else."
Well, my group of people tried the "or else."
The apes started attacking my people. Being that I was quite frightened, I rally several people to run. I ran with about a half dozen people to an abandoned barn about a half mile away. Unfortunately for us, the apes had a charter bus. Yes. That's right. A charter bus.
They followed us to the barn and were staking us out. So the handful of people and I decided to climb into the rafters of the barn because for some ridiculous reason we thought that apes wouldn't be able to get to us up there.
As we were waiting, an ape jumped me from behind and.....
That's when I woke up in an absolute terror and scared out of my mind.
Now, many may accuse me of making this up, but I swear I had this dream. Thus my friends, remember that we must stay vigilante and remember this threat is serious. I don't want a situation similar to this happening to us anytime soon...
Ape Threat Level: Yellow. It appears as if the attack by Timmy or Travis or whatever the heck that chimp's name was just happened to be an isolated attack. I'm keeping myself updated daily though...
As I am sure few of you know, I was a huge fan of Mountain Dew Game Fuel. It was a drink by Mountain Dew that was released in conjunction with the release of Halo 3. Game Fuel was amazing.
Unfortunately for me, it was discontinued after just a couple of months of production. Since then, I have been consistently in touch with the Pepsi Corporation in the hopes that the Game Fuel will be produced once again. Here is my most recent e-mail...
Dear Mountain Dew Makers,
My name is Casey Carmody, and I have a request for you. Nearly a year and a half ago, you created a product that was lovingly called “the nectar of the gods” by my friends and I. This product was none other than Mountain Dew: Game Fuel.
Game Fuel was one of the most amazing beverages I have ever tasted in my life. I loved it so much that I drank at least two cans a day. In fact, most days I drank more than that. I couldn’t help myself. Every time I drank a can of Game Fuel, I only desired more.
I was not alone in this feeling. My group of friends also loved Game Fuel deeply. I can think of many lazy Sunday afternoons that we spent sipping the sweet liquid of Game Fuel while watching ridiculous amounts of football. Nothing in life was better.
Alas, these glory days would not last. Game Fuel was discontinued. It became more and more difficult to find. We would hear rumors that cases of Game Fuel were spotted in a town 30 miles away. We would drive there in the hopes of obtaining a few last cans of our precious resource. Often times, our trips were in vain and we were left disappointed and broken.
Finally, the day came when I drank my last Game Fuel. I remember it well. It was the day of my college graduation. My friends, having a great amount of foresight, hid three cans of the soda so they could share it with me on a day that was one of my crowning achievements of life. Never had I received a better gift than the one I did on the day of my commencement. I was glad I could share this day with my friends by drinking a Game Fuel with them.
This brings me to my request. I beseech you to produce Mountain Dew: Game Fuel once again. I guarantee there are thousands, nay, millions of people in the world that would love nothing better than to taste the beverage that God himself smiles upon. Please fulfill my request. I promise you I would forever be indebted to you until the end of my life if you were able to grant this simple appeal. In your hearts, I believe you know it is right to create Game Fuel for all of its adoring fans.
Thank you.
Sincerely, Casey Carmody
Well, this was the response I received from Dee Dee at the Pepsi Corporation....
I'm going to respond paragraph by paragraph:
Paragraph 1: That's awesome that you are glad to hear from me!
Paragraph 2: Of course I know you've stopped producing Game Fuel. That's why I wrote.
Paragraph 3: You sick, evil, demented jerks! WHY!?!?!? WHY!?!?!? WHY!?!?!?
Paragraph 4: I've spent a lot of time contacting you. If you were really my friend, you would make Game Fuel again.
Paragraph 5: I didn't know that there was that much recycled material in your containers. I would care more if there was actually Game Fuel in those containers.
It would appear as if my quest for Game Fuel's re-introduction did not work once again. Looks like its back to bidding on eBay for cases of Game Fuel that are well over a year old.....
