To catch an ape...

Ape Threat Level: Red. I still haven't gotten over that dream yet. We need to stay on full alert

Today's been a lazy Sunday for me. Included in this day of lame has been watching hour after hour of "To Catch a Predator." In case you are one of probably three people in America who doesn't know what "To Catch a Predator" is, here's the quick rundown.

On the show, they trap these suckers who are trying to hook-up with minors. The host, Chris Hansen, works with a group called Perverted Justice to find sexual predators in chat rooms. Perverted Justice then poses as a teenage girl or boy and has several explicit conversations with the predators in a chat room. They then invite these guys to a house where the guys think they are going to get lucky with the minor. Once the predator gets in the house, Chris Hansen pops out and basically calls out these dudes for being sleezeballs.

It's fairly entertaining even though I think it is entrapment and a slightly questionable way to arrest people. Anyway, it gave me a great idea on how to catch the apes that may be planning on taking over the world.

Check this....



That's right, I created a MySpace page so I can start friending any apes out there in the cyber-world who might want to start attacking us. If you want to see the actual page, click here.

Anyway, I am going to make a bunch of friends who are apes and then invite them to a meeting. At that point, I will come out and lecture them on what they are doing, just like Chris Hansen does. I'll provide transcripts of what was discussed in messages and tell them it is wrong.

After I'm done with the lecture, I will tell the apes that they are free to go. Little do they know though that a bunch of zoo keepers will be waiting outside to capture them, just like in "To Catch a Predator."

Ha! Chalk one up for the humans this time!

The Dream

Ape Threat Level: Red. If the federal government can raise the terror level on a gut feeling, I think raising the ape threat level based on a dream is a good idea. See the following...

As of late, it has been seeming that the ape threat has been somewhat quiet. I've blogged very little since I have not had much to comment on ape attacks. Then, Tuesday night happened.

As I was sleeping Tuesday, I had a dream. No. A nightmare. Let me describe.

In my dream, I was on an island. This is no surprise considering that a vast amount of my free time is wrapped up in watching, reading about and analyzing the television show Lost. Anyway, on the island, I was with a large group of people. I want to say I knew many of the people, but I don't quite exactly remember who.

For some reason, the group I was with decided that we needed to walk across the island and get to the beach. I was all on board for this trip because it sounded like a great idea. Little did I really know...

We had walked about halfway to the beach when we came upon a frightening scene. In a clearing, there was a large population of speaking apes. For some reason, the group of people thought it was a great idea to walk out to the group of apes to see what was up.

The leader ape yelled at my group of people saying, "What are you people doing here! You are not allowed to go this way."

A person from my group said back, "We're trying to get to the beach. We just want to keep moving."

The ape was not digging on this idea. He said, "Go back or else."

Well, my group of people tried the "or else."

The apes started attacking my people. Being that I was quite frightened, I rally several people to run. I ran with about a half dozen people to an abandoned barn about a half mile away. Unfortunately for us, the apes had a charter bus. Yes. That's right. A charter bus.

They followed us to the barn and were staking us out. So the handful of people and I decided to climb into the rafters of the barn because for some ridiculous reason we thought that apes wouldn't be able to get to us up there.

As we were waiting, an ape jumped me from behind and.....

That's when I woke up in an absolute terror and scared out of my mind.

Now, many may accuse me of making this up, but I swear I had this dream. Thus my friends, remember that we must stay vigilante and remember this threat is serious. I don't want a situation similar to this happening to us anytime soon...

A place where you belong

Ape Threat Level: Yellow. You should never start to feel too comfortable with the apes. Keep alert.

Today was a tough day at work. Thankfully, my place of employment has an awesome commercial to keep me upbeat....



I sing this song at least three times a day.

I'm not joking either.