Inaugartion Mania!

Ape Threat Level: Blue. We've got a new president who I am absolutely certain will be tough on the ape threat.




If you aren't able to tell what is going on in the photo above, my buddy Anderson and I are hanging out on the National Mall mere hours before President Obama's inauguration. That is correct. I was present for the inauguration. I felt that it was almost necessary to go being that I had driven down to Springfield, IL., (with Anderson and Fleck) nearly two years earlier to watch then Senator Obama announce his intentions to run for President. That looked a little something like this...



The whole experience was awesome. We had a great viewing area since we received tickets from the great Congressman from Minnesota's 1st District. Granted, we couldn't actually see President Obama very well since he was still quite a distance away, but getting a chance to be there live was rockin'! This is pretty much what our view looked like...



The speech Obama gave was also excellent. I think he made it very clear that he is planning on going in a much different direction that what has been happening in the past eight years, which is much needed.

As a whole, the experience was unforgettable, and it was awesome to be present for such a historical moment. How many times do you get a once-in-a-lifetime experience? That's correct, once.

Oh yeah, we also met Dennis Kucinich. Awesome!

Dangerous Monkey and QB Talker

Ape Threat Level: Orange

Apparently there was a monkey loose earlier this week in Clearwater, Fla. Why is it upping the threat level you may ask? It likes to throw feces at people. Authorities say it is not dangerous, but we all know that it is. Stay posted my friends...

Moving on to my main thoughts today, the now bankrupt Star Tribune had a story earlier this week that interested me greatly. It's clear I love discussing who the next quarterback will be for the Minnesota Vikings, and I thought I would comment on some of the speculations....

Free Agents

Matt Cassel
Please, please, please, please, please, please be Cassel. I think this guy is the man. I jumped on his side from the very beginning when all others were hating. Granted, the Patriots didn't make it to the playoffs, but Cassel led them to an 11-5 record. Awesome! It is very few and far between that you don't get in with that many wins. Really. Granted, the franchise tag is probably going to be placed on him, but I'm all for paying him $14 million and giving up some first-round picks. We'd probably take some defensive ends that will never pan out anyway....

Kerry Collins
Not a bad guy. After all, he did lead the Titans through a pretty good season. He's going to want to be somewhere that he will be the starting quarterback. Could it be Minnesota? I wouldn't mind it. Downside is his age though. He's 36. On the other hand, the NFL is a win now league and he's playing fairl well right now.

Jeff Garcia
Pretty old for my taste at 39. He didn't really bring Tampa Bay Tampa Bay through the bind at the end of the season. It would be better than T-Jack, but I don't think that much better.

J.P. Losman
I don't even want to waste my time addressing this.

Kurt Warner
The leader of the gang busters! Man have the Cards come out gunning for people in the post-season. Falcons, DEAD!!! Panthers, DEAD!!! I like Warner. He's also old though. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if the Cardinals want him to stick around for one more year. I would definitely take Warner though if he was available. This quarterback is pretty solid.

Trade Possibilities

Donovan McNabb
It's a well-known fact I don't like McNabb much. There's just something about him I can put my finger on. That being said, I would still take him at this point though. He is good enough to get the ball in the hands of the receivers and can make the big plays when needed. I think with McNabb being the field general with Purple Jesus being the first lieutenant, you would see defenses shaking in there jock straps. Definitely worth giving up a few picks to get this guy.

Matt Hasselbeck
Everybody was really thinking he was going to be coming here about a week ago. Well guess what, it's not going to happen. I'm going to agree with Paul Allen that new coach Mora out in Seattle would never give up the cornerstone of the team. Hasselbeck is staying in Seattle. I wouldn't mind him though. Granted he had a crappy year and was injured, but look what he had to work with. The 7th and 8th string receivers? Nobody can do anything with that. Once again, he would be an improvement of our current situation.

Sage Rosenfels
I'm luke-warm on this one at best. Not worth much in my mind. If we could get him on the cheap, do it.

Other Options

Derek Anderson
This guy is a wild card. I'm not really sure which way to feel about this. 2 years ago, awesome. This past year, crap. It's a roll of the dice I guess. If we can get him without giving up much, let's do it.

Brett Favre
NO!!!!! I don't want him. He looked like he was going to lead the Jets to the Super Bowl and then just stunk it up in the end. He's used up and worn out. I will never again draft him in fantasy football (hopefully there is not even that option) and I would be disappointed if he is on our team. Avoid it like the plague.

Well, those are my thoughts. Nothing probably to write home about, but we need a new QB. No ifs, ands or buts about it. It's gotta be done.

Panda attacks signify trouble?

Ape Threat Level: Orange

Check this out folks. A panda in a chinese zoo has feasted on human flesh for the third time! It is my belief this could be a precursor to an ape strike. It makes enough sense that the apes would send a lesser mammal to attack humans to weaken us. Don't let it trick you though.

In fact, people have declared that a bear threat is imminent. I think this is merely propaganda by the apes. Unfortunately, several people have been duped by this. Prominent people who have been tricked by this scam include Stephen Colbert. It's not his fault though, the apes are pretty smart.

To prepare you for this ape attack (which is certainly coming, look at the threat level!), I suggest checking out this site. Granted, it is a government site that is trying to prepare you for terrorists, but clearly the apes are much more of a threat. Remember that.

Vikings Disappointment and Cassel Kool-Aid...

Ape Threat Level: Yellow. It’s always best to be prepared in case they strike.

Well, the Purple did it to me once again. My disappointment knows no bounds. That half-gallon of purple Kool-Aid was all for naught. It has taken me four days to even consider talking about it I am so distraught.

The Vikings went ahead and had quite the disappointing showing in their Wild Card Game against the Eagles. The Vikes ended up going 26-14. Damn. Thus I ended up as 0-2 on Vikings games that I was actually present for this season.

Breaking down the game though, it was actually quite entertaining until the fourth quarter which blatantly exposed the weakness of our team. Quarterback Tarvaris Jackson. To be honest though, he sunk our hope of winning well before the last six minutes of the game. As soon as he threw the interception returned for touchdown to Asante Samuel, you could feel that the Vikes were in serious trouble. Then, in the fourth quarter, Brian Westbrook and the screen happened (it was the most finely executed screen pass I have ever seen) and T-Jack never could bring us back.

At this point, we simply have to get a new quarterback. My vote is Matt Cassel of the New England Patriots. Yeah we would have to pay him a $14 million salary and two first round draft picks since it appears he is about to get a franchise tag. In my mind worth it. I’m already biting at the chops to get my Cassel purple jersey. It would probably look a little like this….





(11 is not Cassel's real number. It's 16. I couldn't do it otherwise though.)

Anyway, the guy is a stud. We need Cassel here because Jackson is not the answer. Back-up, sure. Starter, no! Believe me people, Cassel is how we should roll.

Staying Up Late is Fun

Ape Threat Level: Yellow

The ape threat is still out there. We should all be particularly aware though since several Microsoft Zunes started to malfunction all at once the other day. CNN.com reported that several Zunes stopped working for no apparent reason. I'm guessing it is the apes because they would logically try to strike at things that we as humans love most. We love music and we love our nifty little gadgets. Keep an eye on this my friends.

Anyway, I'm over at George's place right now. Him and I have been playing video games since 4 p.m. on January 1st. Right now is 12:46 a.m. on January 2nd. Rockin'. We have been getting the crap kicked out of us by online players of Mortal Kombat vs. DC. The game is sweet and fun, but it's not so fun when you are in the beginners only area yet there are people in there who have one 768 straight matches. If you ask me, this is not a beginner. This guy is a jerk. I don't see why he likes beating the heck out of people who hardly even know the controls.

Other than that, the G blade and I have also been playing a game where we been killing a bunch of terrorists. Go America. We are also hopped up on a whole bunch of Mountain Dew and frozen pizza. I'm living the dream right now.

P.S. Purple Immortality plays on Sunday. Against my better judgment and the wishes of many of my friends, I will be attending the Vikes game agains the Eagles. I know I am 0-1 at Vikings games this year, but I think I definitely have the process down so I won't mess it up like last time. We'll see what happens this weekend.

Remember friends, the ape threat is serious. Planet of the Apes is actual footage. Keep that in mind since we can learn a lot by watching those films on how to prevent the apes from attacking.