Panda attacks signify trouble?

Ape Threat Level: Orange

Check this out folks. A panda in a chinese zoo has feasted on human flesh for the third time! It is my belief this could be a precursor to an ape strike. It makes enough sense that the apes would send a lesser mammal to attack humans to weaken us. Don't let it trick you though.

In fact, people have declared that a bear threat is imminent. I think this is merely propaganda by the apes. Unfortunately, several people have been duped by this. Prominent people who have been tricked by this scam include Stephen Colbert. It's not his fault though, the apes are pretty smart.

To prepare you for this ape attack (which is certainly coming, look at the threat level!), I suggest checking out this site. Granted, it is a government site that is trying to prepare you for terrorists, but clearly the apes are much more of a threat. Remember that.